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Being nice and polite is the real key to effective networking

I have been to more than a thousand networking events in my career, from meetings over coffee to large conventions, and there are few scenarios where you are restricted to only 60 seconds to grab someone’s attention. If you are in the rare situation where your conversation will be limited, if you dominate the discussion regurgitating your elevator speech, it is unlikely to make a favorable impression any way. Like a relic from a bygone era, the elevator speech has outlived its usefulness.

What never goes out of style is demonstrating good manners and pleasant, engaging conversational skills. Job seekers in particular will labor over their elevator speech, even taking seminars to learn how to memorize the perfect pitch. Unfortunately, what is often lacking is an unbiased perspective on how real-world networking plays out. I’m here to help.

Some things I’ve observed:

• Virtually no one gets an interview, an introduction, or a job due to an elevator speech. In fact, more professionals are harmed by their attempts at elevator speeches than helped.
• Job seekers are so nervous about having the perfect elevator speech it can paralyze them, making networking more difficult than it really is.
• Seldom are you in a situation where you only have 45-60 seconds to speak with someone. Even if you are, (in a line for example), being social will work better than a memorized pitch.
• Too often professionals lack basic manners, or conduct networking while they are angry or depressed over their job situation, and it comes through in their demeanor.
• Employed networkers often feel “assaulted” by job seekers, and many are trying to avoid functions that are known to attract unemployed attendees.

The best way to enjoy and maximize the ROI from networking events is to ask questions and engage in two-way conversations, while not appearing desperate. People want to help people they like, regardless of anything else. Having something in common and displaying a sense of humor will go further than pushing your agenda on them.

At appropriate times in the conversation, the information from your well-developed resume will provide the ammunition you need to expand on your value. Instead of one canned speech, you should have multiple brief examples of your successes that can be woven into a conversation when the situation naturally occurs. If the person you are talking to is intrigued, they will ask follow-up questions for more details. Make sure you understand social cues so you can modify your behavior if needed to keep people connected to you.

Networking is an invaluable career management tool, whether you use it to land a sale, learn about your industry, or find a new opportunity. Try to relax, focus on socializing, and remember to say “thank you.”